When I Grow Up
by silkendreammaid
Summary: Little Elysia Hughes has a new best friend. Alfons Heiderich has come through the Gate. 3: Cry
1. Speech

**When I grow up…**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Speech**

Alfons Heiderich looked out the window and smiled. It was still amazing to him. Out there he could see the sky, he could watch the clouds go past and sometimes he had seen birds passing. For someone who had expected to be dead by now, every moment he lay here was a miracle.

The door creaked open and he turned his head to meet the bright green eyes of the small girl peeking around at him. His smile widened and he lifted his thin hand to beckon her in.

"Are you feeling better, 'fons?" Elysia Hughes asked as she came closer, a book tucked under one arm and a small bear under the other.

"Much better, liebchen." His blue eyes were bright as he watched her put her book and bear on the bed before clambering up as well.

"I've come to read to you again." Her face was serious and he shifted carefully so she could sit beside him and the book was opened across their legs.

Alfons listened, propped against his pillows as she read. Fairy stories and legends of this strange new world he found himself in. Two weeks. He had been here two weeks and conscious for the last ten days. Edward had tried to explain just how he was here and alive, but talk of Gates and alchemy had not really made much sense to him. Even knowing everything Ed had ever told him had been true, even having seen it, it was still hard to realise that this was real and not some dream he was in.

He was alive. He wasn't dying any more. He was recovering from passing through Edward's Gate and his strength was returning. He kept his worries well hidden and his guilt as well. Prices paid, Edward had said with a shrug. But the price had been high and Alfons knew his coming here had cost Edward the one thing he had always wanted.

"You're sad again, aren't you?" The small voice brought him back and he tried to smile but it didn't quite work.

"Sometimes people get sad." He spoke softly, not wanting to upset her too much.

"I've been sad too."

"I don't want to make you sad, liebchen." His smile came easier as he felt her nestle into his side.

"You don't make me sad, 'fons." Elysia pursed her lips as she thought about it. "I likes reading to you."

"I like having you read to me, Elysia. Maybe I should read to you one time."

"That'd be fun. I like the way you talk."

"The way I talk?" Alfons stared at her. "My accent?"

She smiled so brightly. He hadn't been around small children before. He didn't understand her easy and complete acceptance of him and his being here. She trusted him. She read and talked to him constantly. He had heard all about her father and how he had died, he had heard all about her friends, not just at school but the ones from the military too.

Elysia did what nothing else could have done for him. She got him through the culture shock. She kept him occupied while the world around him sorted itself out. She kept him from being lonely, from feeling worthless. More than anything else, she kept him alive.

"When I grow up, I want to talk like that too."

* * *

-

Author's Note: For the demon… she moves today - well the 13th, which it is for me already...lol - to start a military career that makes me glad the position of Fuhrer is not in the Canadian Military… I know you, demon, you'd find a way… grins… a long time ago I said I'd write a fic with Alfons in it for you and here is part of it… I have another couple of parts of it done, but it's not finished, so instead of waiting for the bunnies to give me a complete oneshot, you can have it in chapters… good luck Spirix…

The title may/will probably change, you know how bad I am at them, demon...lol...

silken :)


	2. Smart

**When I grow up…**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Smart**

Alfons sat at the table and peeled another potato. Four weeks he had been here now and he was still adjusting. Mrs Hughes and Elysia had taken him out of the house this morning and he had been completely overwhelmed. It had been so different to Munich. More open, cleaner, less noise. They had taken him to the closest market and they had both smiled at his wide eyes and wonderment at all the food. Not only were many new and strange to him, but the ready availability stunned him.

The short outing had tired him and he was more than willing to sit here and help. He was getting used to the way Mrs Hughes looked. Now he understood why Ed had always acted differently around various people in Munich. The resemblances must have been as disconcerting to him as they were to Alfons now.

Elysia sat beside him doing her homework. He watched with an amused smile as she chewed at the end of her pencil.

"I don't want to do this." She suddenly said as she frowned at the page.

"Why not, liebchen?"

"It's too hard." She pouted and bit hard at the pencil.

"It doesn't look that hard." Alfons said as he eyed the very basic sums.

"That's because you know how to do them." Her logic was impeccable.

"I had to learn, just like you."

"How did you learn?"

"My father taught me."

"I don't have a daddy to teach me."

"I know, but I can help you." He smiled at her. "We'll use the potatoes."

"Potatoes don't do sums, 'fons, that's just silly." She stared wide eyed at him.

"They can if we do it right." Alfons picked up one of the potatoes and sliced it in half carefully. "How many do we have?"

"Two."

Alfons picked up another and repeated the action. "And now?"

She pointed slowly, counting quietly. "Four."

"If I do that to all these other potatoes, how many are we going to have?"

Elysia frowned and looked at the potatoes. Alfons finished peeling the potatoes while she moved them around, and then he began to slice them in half.

"'fons?" Elysia suddenly said.

"Yes?"

"I've run out of numbers."

"How many have you got?"

"Ten."

"What happened to eleven?"

She held up her hands. "It won't fit on my fingers."

He put his hands next to hers. "Use mine."

"When I grow up, I want to be smart like you are."

* * *

Author's Note: Well… little felis is angsting all over my desk, my first-born is home sick from school, so I needed some fluff…

silken :)


	3. Cry

**When I grow up…**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

* * *

**Cry**

"I didn't ask you to save me!" Alfons shouted at Edward. "You didn't have to do that!"

"So I should have just left you there?" Edward snapped back.

"Yes!"

"I wasn't going to leave you to die in that place, you fucking idiot! No-one deserves that! You were my friend, Alfons! We were in it together!"

"I was dying anyway, Ed!" Blue eyes glared. "You knew that! Why did you ruin everything by dragging me here?"

"You didn't get to be a martyr? Is that what this is about?"

"Your brother _died _because of me!" Alfons stopped, a cold wave washing through him. He'd never come right out and said those words before. He'd thought them often enough. Every night the guilt followed him through nightmares and dreams that usually left him exhausted every morning.

"He is_ not_ dead. He's on the other side of the Gate." Ed's reply left no room for doubt. Alfons could hear the complete conviction in the words but he couldn't believe it. It was denial, he was sure of it. It had to be. He knew exactly how much Edward had missed his brother when they'd been separated. He knew Edward would never want to believe his brother was dead.

"You don't know that for sure. You said it had been a life for a life. Except I didn't _have_ a life left!" Alfons found it hard to breathe. His chest seemed tight. He didn't understand how it had suddenly escalated to this and he couldn't stop the words pouring out of him even as he felt himself shrivelling inside. "You dragged me through with you. You didn't have to do that! I wasn't worth it. I wasn't worth any of it! If I wasn't here, then he'd…"

"_No!_ Stop it Alfons!" Edward's hands were gripping at Alfons' shoulders and he was almost shaking the thin blond. "Listen to me! It's got nothing to do with you! Al is fine! He's over there like I was."

"You don't know that! He's gone and it's all because of me!" Alfons felt his ribs ease suddenly but froze as soon as he saw the furious look in the golden eyes.

"I see what it is now. It's guilt that's making you say these things. It was my decision, _my_ choice so it's my fault not yours." Ed's voice was low and bitter. "Don't presume so much, Alfons."

Alfons stared at his friend for a moment, his inner turmoil suddenly pushed aside by a moment of absolute clarity.

"Me? You're the one doing that. You're the only one who wants to be a martyr here. Taking all the blame and denying anyone else the right to feel the same." Alfons shook his head, feeling his eyes begin to sting. "Do you know that just adds to my guilt? I don't want to blame you but you make it very hard not to. _We_ are both at fault and you won't acknowledge that. You won't share anything."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," and Alfons heard the denial loud and clear this time. "It was _my_ decision and you have no right to claim otherwise."

"You want something to feel guilty over?" Alfons felt uncharacteristically irritated by Edward's stubbornness and by the sharp prickling in his eyes. "You brought me here and for what? There's nothing for me here. You gave up your brother and got nothing in return. Take the blame for that."

Alfons had never seen Edward's eyes blaze as they did now and he didn't see the fist that connected with his jaw. He didn't even realise he'd been hit until he found himself sitting on the floor, a hand pressed over his mouth, tears beginning to slip from his eyes and something like a sob caught in his throat. He could see Edward's legs to the knees and he wasn't going to look up further. He didn't want to see the expression on that face.

There was a long moment of silence and then Edward turned left the room. Alfons lowered his head into his hands and the sob broke free before he could stop it. He muffled the next ones against his hands. He was not prepared when the door creaked open and he turned away to hide as much as he could.

"'fons?" The small, worried voice had him shaking his head as he clamped his mouth tight against the fullness of his throat. "Are you crying too?"

He couldn't speak and he didn't quite understand her question. Who else was crying? Thin arms went around him and he felt her kneeling beside him. Her face pressed against his arm.

"When I grow up, I don't want to cry."

Alfons couldn't tell her that you should never get too old to cry.

* * *

Author's Note: I am at work and should not be doing this right now...lol... but at home I keep getting sidetracked by the research I'm doing for vonH... research is a bad thing, I keep getting sucked into other pages and more ideas and all these bunnies are appearing for the cat and dragon from it as well...

Hopefully this chapter is a relief after all of the earlier sugar...lol

silken :)


End file.
